Profile of Jane Nemke
MADISON, WI – Jane Nemke sits across from me in her renovated apartment that was built to fit her new lifestyle that takes place in a wheel chair. Even though she was diagnosed at age 26 with muscular distrophy, now 43 years later, she has transitioned into a wheel chair in the past year and a half. In a long conversation, with a bright smile, Jane tells me about her life and what led to her transition into a wheel chair, and how this transition impacted her life.
She worked in manufacturing as an executive manager in four different plants for Apogee Enterprises for 11 years where a majority of the time, she was the “only woman in the room.” However, with four older brothers, these male-dominated spaces offered more comfort than unease.
After her career in manufacturing, Jane worked for the nonprofit Exchange Center for the Prevention of Child Abuse which later she helped merge with other local Madison WI organizations to create the current Nonprofit RISE Madison. She describes how much she learned from her role in this nonprofit, however, she never thought it would lead to meeting her second husband, former governor of Wisconsin Anthony Earl.
“When I was running the nonprofit, you know you are always fundraising and one of the other guys that ran a fundraiser or had a fundraiser going on. If they support me, I would support their pushes. So, he said ok, come on Jane, get up, get to my auction. And there are all these things like canoe trips and tents and bicycle racks,” Nemke said. “And I thought what can I bid on? Then I see one thing. I see dinner with former governor Tony Earl. Okay, I can eat and talk. I will bid on that. I won. I won my Tony Earl, who was a former governor who became my husband. I won him in an auction. Isn't that hilarious. I won him in an auction. How'd you meet your husband? I won a him in an auction.”
She talks fondly of her marriage with “Tony.” However, she described it too as “full time job because he expected me to take care of them and do all the cooking.” And as her muscular dystrophy progressed and she had to start making serious lifestyle changes to their home and her life, it started to affect their relationship.
“I don't think it ever registered, registered,” Nemke said. “And because when I finally got to the point where I needed to be doing these changes, he just couldn't deal with it.”
She understands this denial.
“You know, because it's so easy to live in denial. I mean, I lived in denial for a while about the muscular dystrophy. I still did not want that to be the truth. And I fought it. And I fought it. And I made my life difficult. And I didn't use the available tools because I fought it. And when I finally embraced it, and welcomed it in, and said this is who I am, this is part of who I am, Oh my God, my life got so much easier. Right?,” Nemke said. “Yeah, right. And you and when you finally stop denying the things about yourself that you think you don't like, it's like, oh my God, a whole new world opens up to possibilities that you were not even looking at.”
Now Jane and “Tony” are no longer married, however, she would still call him a friend. I asked her, how do you come to this decision with your partner?
“Because right now, he mostly spends his days smoking cigars, sitting in his chair reading the newspaper being waited on. He's got two different caregivers seven days a week, doing what I did. It makes me feel good that it took two people to replace me. Yeah, so what he needed, he could hire done, but it was killing me,” Nemke said. “You know, and so, it was really hard. And, you know, I grew up where you're in a more traditional environment. And so for a long time, you know, you feel guilty that you're supposed to do this, and supposed to do that, and then you finally get to the point when you realize, you know, that the person that you first have to love and care for and keep safe is yourself. And it took a lot of angst to realize that I was killing myself trying to serve him.”
Jane and “Tony” still live in the same building with a couple floors of separation. Through the jobs she worked, the experiences she shared, and through her relationships and challenges with the men she learned from and loved, Jane embodies a new representation of the meaning of courage.
“I mean, it is not easy. And I'll tell you, there are so many people in unhappy marriages. Because it takes a lot of courage to face the truth. So after I stayed in my first marriage, 25 years, which was like 24 years too long. It was, for a lot of reasons, not the right marriage, but there were a lot of things keeping me in it,” Nemke said. “But afterward, I learned so much. You know, when you have to face difficulty, when you have to face a tough decision, that's when you really learn about yourself. And I gained so much insight into myself, and what really mattered, that I developed a mantra that I live by to this day, and it's, ‘live in truth,’ and have the courage to do the right thing.”